All The Reasons We Shouldn't Be Doing This PodcastFeb 07, 2022
Do you feel frustrated with your efforts to pursue fulfillment? Are you irritated with how many things keep going wrong, how LONG it's taking to get where you want to go, and why you can't just coast already? Then today's Stace and Steph episode is for you. We've got real talk about all the shit that gets in our way and makes it so easy to just give up on ourselves.
The Hurdles Just Keep On Coming
When we first began dreaming of this podcast, we were totally lit up with excitement about our big dream. We had big plans, big ideas, and a timeline we thought was do-able. Then came the obstacles: loss of childcare, COVID, and countless delays. While it took us longer and the road was bumpier than we hoped, we made it happen and launched in November, at which point we were hoping to coast smoothly. (We bet you know where this is headed, huh?) Months after our first meeting, we are still dodging setbacks and stumbling along imperfectly. We keep going, but it’s hard not to get frustrated at our slow pace and challenges. After all, when you have a dream, you have ideas in your mind about what you want it to look like, and when that doesn’t pan out, it’s easy to be disappointed, get discouraged, and maybe even contemplate quitting.
When to Push, When to Slow Down
After Stacey lost her childcare (for the third time!), she made a decision. “I'm going to be one of those hard workers who stays up late after my kids go to bed and I'm going to be working into the wee hours of the night. But it's going to be fine because I'm going to be energized!” Steph asked how that was going. Then we laughed.
In this episode, we talked about the reality of trying to push yourself past the point of exhaustion to achieve a goal, and how frequently that can backfire. Many stay-at-home or work-at-home moms find themselves trying to cram allthethings into the nap-time window. Not only is this wildly unrealistic, it’s a recipe for guilt, because naturally when you choose one thing to prioritize, you’re putting a ton of other choices on the back burner. Sure, these are first-world problems, but moms trying to push themselves past their limits and squeeze time for themselves into the tiniest of spaces is an actual problem, one that results in unfulfilled, guilt consumed, exhausted depleted mother plussers.
Modern motherhood is often characterized with (justifiable!) buzzwords like stressed out, maxed out, overwhelmed, frazzled, hot mess, and we decided it’s a revolutionary act to proclaim “Today I’m only going to do what I'm able to fit into my day and still have energy left.” And NOT in an apologetic way (I’m such a failure!) but in a celebratory way (I have healthy boundaries!).
We decided that, especially after our conversation with Melissa last week about masculine and feminine energy, that it’s all about finding balance (another elusive buzzword, ugh!). Channel that masculine energy to produce, achieve, and strive when it’s appropriate, and then allow for the feminine energy of slowing down, receiving, and trusting your intuition to honor yourself.
Make Your “Why Not” List
During our episode with Kimberlyn, we talked about making a list of all the reasons why NOT to pursue your dream or do your big thing. It made us think about our list of why we shouldn't be doing this podcast, all the things getting in the way. It’s easy to identify things like “my project isn’t making money,” “my house is a total mess,” “I don’t have time to juggle everything,” that can make it super daunting to take a step. Stacey brought up another big one: “Not being able to give my children my full attention all the time.”
For those of you with littles, especially if you’re home with them often, this can be a HUGE obstacle. Once again, we decided that middle ground is the answer: maybe there are certain times when you are 100% present with your kids, and there are other times when you are clear that you are doing something else, and it’s time for some parallel independence. There’s definitely something to be said about being able to do our thing while our kids are doing their thing--maybe even right next to you on the couch or at the kitchen table. The point is--be honest and genuine: if you’re doing an activity with the kids, be there and do that. If it’s “mom time”? Time to ditch the guilt.
Our advice: to anyone who has a dream, a goal to accomplish, a business to start: make that "why not to" list. So you can really see on paper,what are these things that that you’re telling yourself are valid reasons for not doing the thing, and how many of them are total bullshit. And for those tricky ones like being present with the kids or working out a schedule: remember the middle ground. Compromise is always an option.
From Perfectionism to Acceptance
Stacey is a self-proclaimed self-help junkie, and she’s done a lot of reading on the subject of success. In this episode, she tells listeners, “I hear their stories and how they became successful. And a lot of the times it had to do with staying up late and getting up early, putting in the extra hours.” We’ve already talked about how, especially as a mother plusser, this idea doesn’t work out.
We’ve also talked to multiple guests on the podcast about how they felt like they should be further along--their website wasn’t ready, their Instagram page wasn’t up, and they were just taking too long to launch. Perfectionism is often the culprit behind our procrastination, as our guest Pam Moore said. So what’s the answer for the mom who is ready to take steps towards being more fulfilled, but she keeps stalling out or encountering setbacks?
We think it’s a mindset shift. Yes, this doesn’t look exactly the way I wanted it to when I was daydreaming, hoping, and planning. But it’s time to accept that this is just the way it’s going to look. And that’s ok. The pace is slower. The obstacles are there. It’s just the way it is, and it doesn’t mean you should give up!
Stacey has found a little more acceptance in motherhood about what she’s willing to let into her life--wisdom and intuition play a larger role. Steph is grappling with her recent surgery and how she can’t “produce” as quickly or efficiently as she’d like--and finding the patience to give herself grace when the setbacks come.
For the Mother Plus Podcast, our perfectionism/procrastination trap has been getting our email newsletter launched. We *really* wanted to put it out there, but . . . we felt like we couldn’t take the plunge until everything was, say it with us, “JUST. PERFECT.” So we decided it was time to walk our talk, and we recently announced our email newsletter list that will send out a weekly update about our podcast subject along with some extra goodies down the line.
We would LOVE it if you’d click right here to get on the list--that way you’ll get our special freebies for subscribers (coming so soon! We are so close!) and you’ll stay in the loop on our weekly episodes. It was time to stop stalling and waiting for all the stars to align, so we just DID IT. And we hope you will, too. Find your thing. Plug your ears to your inner perfectionist. Be patient in the face of obstacles. And just keep going. We believe in you!
Mother Plusser Takeaways:
- Expect obstacles! Our big ideas rarely go according to plan.
- Find a balance between pushing yourself to achieve and giving yourself grace when it’s time to slow down.
- Make a list of “why you shouldn’t do the thing” and then figure out what’s actually true, what’s total bullshit, and where you can find middle ground.
- Shift your mindset from perfectionism to acceptance: “I’m pursuing my dream, but I accept that it’s happening more slowly or differently than I wanted.”
- Sign up for our newsletter--we promise it will be cool!
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